There has been a short lapse since the last time I wrote and I must admit – I fell, or rather Jumped off the Raw Food Wagon. I made it through three weeks of no sleep, white knuckled it through the Happy Feet episode (see previous post), I even confusingly made it through girls night out at Javiers of all places (mexican food is my weakness!) without even a single tortilla chip… but when my daughter was hospitalized last Monday night, I looked for the nearest chocolate factory (which believe it or not happens to be in the CHOC cafeteria) and went to town. There was raw food everywhere, in fact that is all my daughter ordered and ate while in the hospital, I however ate and drank anything with sugar caffeine and fat – none of it healthy and all of it satisfying. I didn’t even miss a beat when I saw the garden burgers, soda machine, and chocolate chip chocolate cookies. In fact I bought three of each kind. I plowed whatever I could find and didn’t have one feeling of embarrassment or shame. Lets just say I ate like it was 1999 and I was 21 years old again, minus the drive through food and little white convertible.
Until last week I never thought of myself as an emotional eater. In fact as I was reading “A Course in Weight Loss” by Marianne Williamson (I’m reviewing it for Hay House, I’m part of their Blogging Review program) I found myself thinking -’this is a great book, great advice for someone who emotionally eats – not really for me though’. As we all know, when you declare that you are Not something, that very something shows up to test you. I was tested and I succeeded in proving that Yes I do throw all positive eating/health plans out the window when push comes to shove. Hmmm something to work on.
After sharing this all with my Raw Food Coach and accountability group monday night, my coach Pam Sterling pondered something aloud that really made me think. She said, I wonder when the last time you reached for those specific types of foods was. I have to admit, normally I would gravitate towards salty foods like mexican, so I thought about it. The last time I remember buying a 12 pack of coke and a box of cookies was when I was in college. I had just broken up with a boyfriend and felt both empowered and sad at the same time. I went grocery shopping and remember a feeling of pride that I was indulging in sugary treats instead of drinking away my sadness at the local frat party. hmmm very interesting.
While we were in the hospital there were so many traumatic events that occurred on top of not very much sleep, not to mention the month before this that I didn’t sleep due to the kids having the flu and other major sicknesses. I am pretty sure that the foods that I ate plus the 12 coffee’s a day helped me get through this without breaking down in an emotional heap in front of my brave daughter while we were in the hospital. Once we got home, I opened up my email intending to reply back to some posts and after reading one post it was as though a huge wave of emotion crashed down on me. It was all I could do to get upstairs so my children didn’t see me fall into a huge heap of sobs. My mother in law watched the kids and I let it all out. Whew – I felt much better afterward.
There were several times in the hospital when the doctors made Serena do things that were extremely painful and when it was hardest Serena would say to herself (and to me) be brave be brave be brave. Starting in the emergency room when Serena was unconscious and several times after, I would hear in my head Bob Marley’s song :”Don’t worry…about a thing… cuz every little thing is gonna be alright”. I clung to that song and even sang it to her as she lay on the emergency room table still unconscious after her procedure. I sang it for her and for me and for any of the other families that may be listening. It warmed my heart and brought back my sanity. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone in that room – all the angels and ascended masters and God and Buddha were there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LanCLS_hIo4
My dear friend Lori texted me at midnight to see if she could bring me anything. Really all I needed was to have another person as a rope to hold onto, she was the perfect rope – as usual. When we were finally brought to our own room at 4:30am I found the hospitality room, ate about 20 crackers and passed out for 2 hours until the next doctor came in to talk about the severity of what was happening.
We spent the next three days pretending we were on vacation having the coolest slumber party where Serena got to order whatever foods she wanted (turns out she isn’t an emotional eater, the child only wanted fruits, vegetables, brown rice and tea – seriously). We watched movies all day and played board games like Sorry and Connect Four. They brought us books and friends and family came to visit. Just this morning Serena said to me “mommy I like CHOC hospital, that was fun”. Not a mention of the horrific procedures she had to endure, or the morphine they made her take two times. Mission Accomplished!
Now that we are back home and I am moving out of Post Traumatic Stress, I’ve made the choice to return to 75% raw, which still qualifies as a cleanse. I have been eating fruit and plain veggies for breakfast and lunch and then just a normal healthy dinner. There are so many coincidences, and major divine interventions I feel taking place and I am just allowing myself to be honest and process what just happened. I am really glad we are home even though Serena still hasn’t returned to school, I am so glad I followed my guidance to take her to the after hours doctor for what looked like a spider bite but turned out to be MRSA which left untreated for another day would have gone into her blood and shut down her organs.
I am grateful that I allowed myself to eat what felt right without guilt – I have already shed the 5 lbs that I gained that week, and feel even more supported and connected to the Universe & God, that I have in a long time. Im grateful for my husband who brought me clothes and snacks, and for my friend Lori who brought me the yummiest Raw dinner I have ever had in the hospital, I’m grateful to my Sister Michelle and my Mom who came to visit and help, & for my mother in law who flew down from San Francisco to help with the kids, and for our new nanny, and also for all of my friend who posted loving support and texted get well messages. I’m also grateful for the doctors and nurses who made our stay short and healing and the ER doctors who did her procedure and who encouraged me gently to sit when I was about to faint. Im grateful to the three clients I had that days before we went to the hospital, that had children who needed assistance. I found myself giving them (and myself) guidance about being their childs advocate, noticing the small signs that something is off, and honor their own intuitions about their children and never think twice about acting on an intuition – it may save their child’s life. As I sat in the hospital waiting for Serena to wake from the anesthesia I remembered those messages that came through for my clients and smiled as I realized that we really are all one. What I am saying to you is for you as much as it is for me, if I am willing to pay attention and listen. This time I did:)
Much Love and Many Blessings:)
Christine
