Im beginning to get it…

…I mean this entire time I have been reading Chants of a Lifetime and listening to Krishna Das describe how much he loves Maharaj-ji and his devotion and (at times) his borderline infatuation with his guru, I havent understood it. Let me explain. I have understood that he felt this way, I just couldn’t grasp why. Even reading all of his wisdom through words and action, and his complete love of all his devotees. I saw the beauty that is this person, but could not feel why, why on earth Krishna Das and many other men and women were sooo devoted so willing to sit in a corner of a room just to be near him day after day after day sometimes not even hearing a single word from him and only hoping that maybe he would throw them a piece of fruit quite literally like monkeys.

Last night my husband and I got into an argument about money, our favorite topic to argue or feel discomfort about lately (in reading what I am writing I now decide to be more creative and come up i other things to argue about, hee hee just kidding) anyway, I took my book and huffed upstairs and he put on the TV and Im not sure what he did cause I was ignoring him. I fell asleep with Buddha’s words in my mind translated nicely for the westerners by Krishna Das: “Yo Monks -  Stuff Don’t Work, its not supposed to work, thats why its stuff, it brings us pleasure but that doesn’t last – it has another side to it -  pain – and when pains over there’s pleasure and then there’s pain – they are two side of the same coin”.

After that I fell asleep and This morning I woke up with a stiff neck. Hmmm. Louise Hay would say I’m not being flexible and not willing to look at both sides, ok I can see that about myself. So hubby and I made up and although what I really need is a chiropractic adjustment, acupuncture and some muscle therapy – limited finances will not allow that and so I went to the sofa to lay on a heating pad instead and read more.

As I began to read something started to happen, I started to feel love for Maharaj-ji. It started very subtly but as I read more and more I felt the beginning of a deep longing to know this man or rather for him to know me. As Krishna Das reminisced to me through his book I began to realize how well maharaj-ji knew others, how he could look at Krishna Das or any devotee and know what they were thinking, if they had slept well, what they needed,  even what they had eaten, as Krishna Das found out one day after eating too many samosas! I began to feel a longing to be known like that by someone so holy so pure in thought and action. It reminds me in the bible where it says something like God knows everything about you, even the amount of hairs on your head. That had always perplexed me as a child, why on earth would God Want to know how many hair there were on my head? didn’t he have better things to do with his time/knowledge?  what could be the possible use of that knowledge anyway?  As a teenager that part of the bible simply freaked me out – I started imagining a judgemental God, one who knew everything about me, everything I did? yikes! I’m sure this slight mind control technique kept me out of a lot of trouble during those self exploration years, but I still hadn’t understood the true meaning. Until now.

What each of us truly desires is to be seen and known and not judged for what both being seen and known brings. To be fully allowed to just be as we are. This is what I am receiving from Maharaj-ji in this very moment and realizing I can also give that to myself. I don’t need to wait for someone to come along and see me and know me. In fact what I have been searching for all along may not have been for someone else to truly see me and know everything and still love me, maybe I have been waiting for Me to give this love and acceptance, knowingness and allowance all along. Krishna Das says our belief systems change in two ways – we either see someone who has it figured out and we take clues from their life, or we get to a point in our lives that it is far too painful to continue on and so we have to change. But what if both of those two opportunities are happening for me at the same time?

So here is where this knowledge comes full circle for me right now in this moment. If I am expecting someone outside myself to know me fully – know all my imperfections and just allow and accept and not judge….and I realize that underneath that I am really desiring to know myself and fully allow and accept myself …. and I also know that everyone around me, in my life is a mirror for me of things I must look at about myself…. Then I must acknowledge that the argument my husband and I got into last night is somewhat important. You see I had become a little snappy shall we say, because he was telling me the different things we need to buy with his first paycheck. He needs a new laptop to do work on since he is an outside sales man, and a shell for his car (eventually) because it will help with gas mileage, and some new shirts so he doesn’t have to wear the same dress shirt…. etc etc. I was angry because I felt like he was spending our money before we had even gotten one cent of it and after being where we have been for what seems like an eternity but has really been about 6 months, I was fearful that he was going to become frivolous with the money he was making. Even as I argued with him last night, a small part of me screamed inside…. I want to buy things too, I want to spend our money on things and feel comfortable too … Although I didn’t tell him this because I didn’t want to acknowledge that a part of me, that part of me that feels shame for even daring to think like that. I mean if I feel like that too, then have these last 8 months not taught me anything? Have I not learned that i should be more careful with my money, more responsible and save up for a rainy day? Have I just come out of a thunderstorm that uprooted my life and already imagined that another thunderstorm could never pass again? At least he was being honest about what he wanted, I couldn’t even acknowledge my real feelings. In seeing this side of myself I begin to understand why I became snappy. I was actually annoyed at myself too. more on that later I’m sure.

I am grateful for the stories I am reading in this fantastic book, it feels as though whenever I want I can open his book and its like I get private story time with Krishna Das. I get to relive his life with him and since its a book I can reread it over and over to let the moral of each story sink in. Sometimes there isn’t a moral – sometimes I read a story and its just delightful to read, and other times I read a story and have to sit with it for a while because I Know there is something more there that I need to learn about myself & Im only half way through the book !

still reading…..:)

Sharing his heart through music and chanting is the basis of Krishna Das’ own spiritual work—his way of serving the Divine within himself and others. “Chanting is a way of getting in touch with yourself. It’s an opening of the heart and letting go of the mind and thoughts. It deepens the channel of grace, and it’s a way of being present in the moment,” he says. Since 1994, the sound of his voice singing traditional Indian chants with a Western flavor has brought the spiritual experience of chanting to audiences all over the world. You can preorder Krishna’s book Chants of a Lifetime online at either HayHouse.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com, or wherever books are sold. His book includes a free CD for personal chanting practice. More information on Krishna Das can be found at www.krishnadas.com.

life as a psychic family

The other day I was sitting at the table with my 6 year old daughter drawing, when she abruptly stopped drawing & looked at my paper and asked “what are you doing?”  I mentioned i was drawing a rainbow, to which she looked in my eyes very seriously and lovingly and said “here mommy write this: You are a wonderful person, We love you and You can leave your body now and be an angel”. Right at this moment my husband and two little ones ran down the stairs and looked at me and my daughter. Then both of them dropped to the cold tile floor and proceeded to make angels in the imaginary snow.

30 minutes later I told them I was going somewhere and I would be home later. They each hugged me and were not phased by my sudden departure. I hadn’t told them where I was going or that I was even leaving but somehow each of them felt the angelic beings around our home and expressed this in their own way.

I don’t ever talk about my work or my clients with my family, other than to say “mommy talks to angels and helps people talk to their angels”. This night in particular I was about to talk to a lot of angels and loving guides in a beautiful life blessing ceremony of someone who is about to pass over. It was only a couple months ago that we held a ceremony for my daughter to help her release a past life and open her heart to more love, which has helped her immensely.The changes I have seen in her since that day are so beautiful. Within a week she had calmed so much and almost seemed like a more stable version of her 6 year old self. She had been plagued with frustration and self pity, not allowing the love that so many people had for her in. On this night right before I left for the ceremony my daughter flung her arms open fell backwards onto the sofa and said “I Love my life right now”.  ahhhhh I felt the pure joy of motherhood encapsulated in one sweet moment:) This is why I do the work I do. It has changed my life so much, and rippled out in my family as well.

(interrupted by my phone ringing with the call Ive been expecting for 2 days) “Hi Christine, Serena’s not feeling well can you come pick her up”….. back to my mommy life I go!

gradually but inevitably

lately I have been reflecting on something I heard Krishna Das say last summer when he was talking about turning within to find love – this phrase is actually a chapter in his book Chants of a Lifetime. He says ‘Gradually, but Inevitably’ singing the many names of god turned him from searching outside of himself and allowed the space for him to turn inward finding in himself the love that was always there. I know he was given the phrase from a holy teaching and it feels so much like truth for so many areas of our lives. In fact I used this as my mantra this week when I really didn’t want to work out or order the healthy thing on the menu. Gradually, but inevitably I will become a more healthy version of myself, gradually but inevitably I am changing my eating habits and patterns and gradually but inevitably I am feeling more and more proud of myself for my choices. It’s not that I am very overweight or eat candy and doughnuts but I have been known to drive though fast food and see the healthy item on the menu and pass right over it and head straight for the most nutritionally derelict items. Its not that I don’t have the knowledge – I use to be a pilates instructor, but I guess that is what differentiates knowledge from wisdom.

I often find myself feeling like I need to already have been doing something that I haven’t even started so I might as well go full force after it to catch up, but since I’m already so behind I’ll start it tomorrow when I have had a full nights sleep and am more rested and more motivated…. I think that must be the definition of procrastination. So there you go, two definition in one day – wow Ive accomplished a lot:)

I find in reading this book that I am comforted by his humor and honesty and wisdom. He has such a way of pointing out the way things really are, the way he really is and laughing at it with the wisdom he has. Its almost as if he is saying to himself – ‘here you go again you silly human’. In fact I’ve noticed that most of the people I have great admiration and respect for such as Louise Hay, Sonia Choquette, Krishna Das &  Ellen Degeneres (yes she is in the same category) – they all have that quality within themselves. They each have the ability to look at themselves and laugh at the little bumps they have in their way, there is not a sense of Oh Great now look what Ive done. Maybe that is part of why I gravitate towards their writings so much, the self acceptance they display is so inspiring. I guess that teaches me something about what inspires me, I am inspired by people who find humor in their obstacles and accept themselves with so much love that they celebrate each mistake with the joyful sound of laughter. Ive often reached for laughter when I am feeling a little gloomy, and in the face of my most recent emotional processing I reached for an adam sandler movie. The one where he is dying and then he beats the cancer and decides he really wants to Live not just exist…sounds really inspiring right? well it wasn’t but thats besides the point… I think next time I will reach for an Ellen Degeneres stand up and laugh till my eyes water:)

I think this book Im reading by Krishna Das is really guiding me, which is funny because I havent been doing the chanting in the CD it comes with but I guess that isn’t the point of the book anyway. I think his point is that each of us have our own way, our own calling to turn within and for him chanting is the only thing that has allowed the space for that. Gradually, but inevitably I am seeing things clearly through this space and each day is one step – one inch forward along this path. No need to rush about or worry.

still reading:)…..Much much love:)

Sharing his heart through music and chanting is the basis of Krishna Das’ own spiritual work—his way of serving the Divine within himself and others. “Chanting is a way of getting in touch with yourself. It’s an opening of the heart and letting go of the mind and thoughts. It deepens the channel of grace, and it’s a way of being present in the moment,” he says. Since 1994, the sound of his voice singing traditional Indian chants with a Western flavor has brought the spiritual experience of chanting to audiences all over the world. You can preorder Krishna’s book Chants of a Lifetime online at either HayHouse.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com, or wherever books are sold. His book includes a free CD for personal chanting practice. More information on Krishna Das can be found at www.krishnadas.com.

I love the grammys!…

I love music and although I basically listen to the radio about 30 minutes out of the day at most, I love new music & bands. I love music because musicians….the good ones…. are able to reach into your heart and express For you that which you were unable to express with your own words. The melody matched with the lyrics create a feeling inside that is unlike any other art.The right song can give voice to my happiness or sorrow simply by using the right chords and notes.

If your ever in the car with me and my kids, you may be startled to hear “electric guitar!!!” randomly being shouted out by my 5 year old, followed by “vocals” and “keyboard” “drums” by my 6 year old. I have purposely taught them to listen to the music and name what instrument they hear – I Love it that when they hear singing they automatically call it Vocals:)  We are definitely a music loving family. My husband is a drummer (Im actually glad his band had broken up when we met) and we dream of the day that we have a sound proof room for all our instruments so we can have family jam time, for now we have to try to keep it quiet.

Tonight is the Grammys and although all the talented artists are not going to be performing, many are… its like a mini concert for everyone! I hope you enjoy tonight as much as I am going to!!

the rate at which I am reading has been slowed…

when I was a kid, I would get a book on Friday and finish it within a week. If my friends were all busy or out of town, I could finish it in one weekend. Now that I am a mom of three little ones (6 1/2, 5, 3) I have had to become creative and crafty with where I get my reading in. I am always with a book in the car – just in case Ill get 5 minutes before work or before pickup at school – if the kids fall asleep as we are diving. I have often flirted with the idea of taking my two youngest to the childcare at the YMCA and instead of working out…..reading with a big cuppa something (gasp). I have friends who haven’t read a book since their child was born, these are also the friends who rarely take baths…two luxiories I have held tight in my grasp of my “Im not willing to let go of” repertoire.  I am usually able to read a book in a good amount of time – even given my schedule, so the fast that I am moving so slooowwwlly through this new book has me quite baffled!

‘ that Krishna Das’s book is a hard read. In fact quite the opposite. The First 41 pages flew right by. I loved hearing his voice through his writing and hearing the stories of Maharaj-ji, and Krishna Das’s path to self discovery. When I first started reading it was like a new relationship, everything is exciting and light and I could feel the depth of this person. I flipped page after page as he looked to his guru with love and devotion and admiration, reading about a new friends life journey. As I continued to quickly read this wonderful book I all at once was zapped back into my present moment with one paragraph:

“we see ourselves as separate and different from other people. On the level of thoughts, physicality,and emotions, we certainly seem to be. This is the “optical delusion”, and yet it is what we experience. My stuff revolves around a different planet than yours. You have your planet, I have mine. But on the deepest level, our planets are actually each a reflection of the same thing- the self, the One – like the moon reflected in different pools: one moon, same light, many reflections.  When the pool of water is calm and there is no debris floating on the surface, all of the reflections are identical. To the extent that we experience that, the way we live our lives changes. “

My reading pace slowed. I reread that paragraph a couple times. All of my stuff is rotating around my own planet – and depending on my mood I have been known to throw a few branches into my pool of water, I have often used the visualization with my children, of a pond of water with a treasure at the bottom. When the water is calm you are easily able to see the treasure but when the mood of the water is choppy it is very difficult to see clearly to the bottom.

I kept reading… and began bookmarking each page as I went forward. Each page has the depth of something I deeply desire to know and accept as my reality. Maybe that is why my pace has slowed. I am enjoying it though, and enjoying that I am in no rush to finish, other than my complete excitement to get to the next page.:)

Sharing his heart through music and chanting is the basis of Krishna Das’ own spiritual work—his way of serving the Divine within himself and others. “Chanting is a way of getting in touch with yourself. It’s an opening of the heart and letting go of the mind and thoughts. It deepens the channel of grace, and it’s a way of being present in the moment,” he says. Since 1994, the sound of his voice singing traditional Indian chants with a Western flavor has brought the spiritual experience of chanting to audiences all over the world. You can preorder Krishna’s book Chants of a Lifetime online at either HayHouse.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com, or wherever books are sold. His book includes a free CD for personal chanting practice. More information on Krishna Das can be found at www.krishnadas.com.

Chants of a Lifetime: Searching for a Heart of Gold

Has a book ever come into your life randomly that was so important in your growth that you can still remember how you felt while you were reading it? I can. In fact I can actually remember how I have felt with each book I have read along the path of my life up till this point. Each book has its own style, its own voice and I have often found myself somewhat of a method reader when I am reading a book that is written well.
I don’t know if anyone knows what I mean by Method Reader, I actually just made that term up  but I like it so Im gonna use it. A Method actor is someone who actually becomes their character in the movie/show they are a part of. They live, eat, and breathe their part 24/7. As a Method Reader, I do not disappear into the books I read quite like val kilmer did with the movie The Doors, but I do tend to take the characters with me in my daily life. I often think about the characters or author (if its a non fiction book) and what is happening in the book and usually relate it to myself, if at all possible.

I have just begun reading Chants of a Lifetime: Searching for a Heart of Gold  by Krishna Das (http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=4593&utm_id=3313) and am mesmerized by the way he writes. I really didn’t know who Krishna Das was until last summer. My husband sold his company and we decided to go on a trip camping up the coast. I had an idea of when we would reach San Francisco and so I decided to search for something fun and spiritual to do while we were up there. I found a workshop and Kirtan with Krishna Das and although I had no idea who he was nor had I heard his music, I did know that my friends who did kundalini yoga were excited for me and wished they could go too. That was enough for me and so I booked the workshop for me and my non spiritual husband and we set off on our camping adventure.

When we arrived at the workshop there were only about 20 attendees, it was a magical melodic couple of hours that my husband and I spent with Krishna Das and the others in the church. It opened my husbands eyes and heart to Kirtan and spirituality,  something I was so excited to see and hadn’t counted on. The times Krishna Das spoke it seemed as though we were all just sitting around hanging out and talking about how things are. When he began to sing, our hearts opened and soared and lifted the church off the ground. It was so memorable to us.

When I began reading his book Chants of a Lifetime I was transported back in time to last summer. I hear his voice so clearly through his written words it almost feels like I am at his workshop again. In his book though, he is able to go into depth and explore honestly his devotion to Maharaj-ji, his guru and the profound changes he had upon him and his life. I have been reading little by little since Friday and am so excited to share with you as I go along reading this wonderful book!

Knock Knock… Abundance is at the door!

So today I have been having one synchronistic (is that a word?)  event after another, which I should be use to by now, but today it took me by surprise because I am sick. I know enough to realize that when I am sick or in pain it is my bodies response to an emotion or an event in my life and I need to process the emotion so that I can feel better. I get it. This is slightly challenging when I am also having to get three kids ready in the morning and out the door on time and so processing and reflection usually have to wait until daddy gets home and I can take a bath or go meditate.

This morning I finally got the kids in the car and since its been raining and there was a TORNADO the other day I thought I should check the car seats to make sure they were all fastened in tightly. My sons was scarily loose and so I spent the next 30 minutes trying to tighten it, finally when I was sure it was as tight as I could get it I loaded the kids back into the car & we were off.  On the way to drop my daughter off at school I was thinking about what my symptoms represent in Louise Hays “You Can Heal your Body” book and if I were to counsel someone who had my exact symptoms – what would I say to them. I realized there are some conversations I have been putting off, some relationships I have needed to gain clarity on, and some career choices I have hid from. All representing to me communication and my life force energy – sore throat, loud painful ear  pain & ringing and difficulty breathing deeply without hacking away for 10 minutes.

Right in the moment I was contemplating this, a White Dove amongst a flock of black birds flew in front of my car and the world seemed to move in slow motion for a moment. It was so beautiful. I was reminded of this last summer and the month long camping/hoteling trip my husband and I had taken our children on. It seemed that no matter where we were camping there was always a white dove to greet us: Santa Barbara, Big Sur, Santa Cruz, Tahoe, truckee…Always a white dove visited us. During this trip I listened to their messages and spoke with them in my dreams as well.  After our encounter this morning I decided to go home (after a little grocery shopping) and listen to an interview on abundance from my Healing with the Masters subscription. The interview was with Carol Look and she was discussing abundance and our thought patterns. She was in the process of describing how we need to listen to our body and pay attention to how we feel and go towards things that make us feel better and just notice when people or situations make us feel drained. She mentioned how its funny when we are feeling tired and exhausted and someone calls us to invite us to our favorite concert – we immediately perk up…… at this exact moment  I looked out my front window I noticed the mailman dropping something at my door and so I paused the interview and went to see what it was. As I opened the door I noticed the Hay House Label and knew immediately what it was.

About a months ago I emailed Hay House and asked to be able to receive upcoming book releases and I would in turn blog about the book. I really really wanted this opportunity for Many reasons. The first reason is because I LOVE BOOKS, the second is because I LOVE HAY HOUSE BOOKS! I realize you may not understand how excited I am… so just imagine that someone has knocked on your door and said here is a new car, or prada shoes – all you have to do is write about them honestly while you enjoy them…. That is how I feel about being given Hay House books to read!

Ok so here’s for the COOL synchronistic part….. Last summer my husband (who is not into metaphysics at all) went with me to a Krishna Das kirtan (concert) where we were moved to bliss. There were literally less than 20 people in this amazing church and we just all sat and listened to Krishna Das talk and we sang and my husband finally understood Why I love Kirtan and spirituality so much. We both floated around san francisco that night and the next day. When I opened the package today and looked at the cover it is so fitting that the first book I will be reviewing is by none other than the wonderful Krishna Das.

So in closing…… I am so beyond excited that even though I am very sick physically – I am stoked beyond belief and am coming to realize that even in my processing and physical manifestation of emotion that needs to be processed – Spirit, God/Goddess &  My Higher Self will find a way to reach me and remind me that if I just follow my guidance – all is well:) Now back to my oil of oregano, garlic ear drops and Echinacea/elder tea.

Connecting with the Divine

In the early 1900’s the french philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote “we are spiritual beings having a Human experience” and since then many spiritual leaders have expanded upon that state of awareness. The question that always comes to me when this phrase arises in conversation is this: How can we come to a greater Understanding of the Spiritual  Reason for the challenging experiences that happen in this Human experience,  such as, a breakup, job loss, losing ones home or family member? It is often in these times that we feel the contraction of fear and limitation which distances ourselves from our spiritual guidance.

Although these challenging experiences may be difficult, I have come to understand that we have chosen these experiences to wake us up to the divine presence in our life. However many times when these situations present themselves, we barricade our hearts, not wanting to feel the pain of such a loss. Over time if we have not fully processed each loss or difficult challenge when it occurs, we may come to feel overwhelmed by our existence, unsupported by our creator and resentful for our incarnation. These feelings are very pain based, fear based & instead of answering our hearts cry for help, they shrink us into feeling somehow smaller for having had such experiences. There is another choice. The choice to own our experience and how it is affecting us and shift our attention to how this is allowing us to grow and heal.

When we stop the negative thought spiral we make the decision to shift our perspective. With this shift we are able to truly feel the experience & process the emotion, honoring each part of our life, not only the ones that bring about joy, but also the experiences that allow us to grow, stretch and heal. We can connect with the divine to be given a greater understanding & higher viewpoint of how to evolve in each situation. With divine guidance we are able to move past our fear, past our limiting belief that created the situation in the first place & past our point of attraction, releasing the condition finally with love and acceptance.  When we have followed this process through we then may allow new experiences to flow into our lives much more swiftly representing love, joy, and truth of who we are . Complete surrender to what is allows space for what may be.

Michael Bernard Beckwith says that all of the potential of a tiny seed is known in the moment it was created. This seed is always what it was meant to be, it simply required circumstances to agitate it, such as the wind tossing it around, the soils nutrients and water to nourish it. Once the circumstances have been met, the seed may become its full potential and grow into a rose bush. Imagine that your experiences in this life are like that of a seed. We each have our own lessons, some needing more or less agitation to create the blossoming of ones “all that has always been” life.  It is in the moment of surrender that a connection to the divine is more easily created.  You have removed the barricades from your heart, allowed what is and opened to what may be.

“Oh the beauty of the life before you my child. So much you have yet to see and yet to set into motion, but it is happening now my dear child. Now that you are in complete release, complete surrender, now you may hear us completely. We love you, we always love you. And so it is”

A Spotlight in the Trenches

This morning I was speaking with my friend Blythe about our careers and our paths and the processing that is always taking place in our lives. I was telling her that Its interesting doing the work that we do, it is forcing me to come to terms with my limitations. I find myself seeing them so clearly, Who do I believe is able to help others? Is it someone who has it all figured out, who’s life is perfect? or can I help, even as I am in the middle of my own challenges? to which she said something that I know as truth. She said:

“This work always forces something to awaken in us. Every new step is just another opportunity for the universe to throw growth at us. Your challenges are exactly what will guide you to help perfectly and Be helped perfectly . Your clients are there to help you grow and teach you too. Perfect is not going to help anyone its the coming to terms with our imperfections and showing others that we are working to heal them and sometimes embracing them that will raise our clients up.”

As we finished our conversation I was guided to look for one of my favorite authors on facebook, Sonia Choquette. when I looked at her page I was brought to several healers that had posted articles and Videos. The first link I clicked on brought me to a website for a healer named Meredith Self. As I read through her site I saw, mirrored for me, what I hope to accomplish one day soon. She has written many articles that touch your spirit, recorded meditations that connect you to your spirit and even wrote a children book that is for children as well as parents. all things I wish to accomplish in my near future. As I showed her site to my husband and explained that she has been doing this for 20 plus years and I am only at the beginning of my path I heard myself making excuses for why I am not where I want to be. In that moment I decided that it is no longer time to sit on top of the book in my head, or the article in my heart,  knowing they will help others but being too distracted with my own process to solidify them into written words, or recorded audio. Although I have been working with clients for a while now, I have felt lately like I am missing something, that I have forgotten to do something, and the truth is that I know exactly what it is. I have forgotten to follow through on all the wonderful creations I have longed to bring to life for so long.

Of course since I have three little ones I was interrupted at this point in my writing and for one reason or another It took me a week to return to it. I found myself at work yesterday open to spirit, open to life and all the wonderful guidance that would be coming my way. Out of seemingly nowhere, one of the children’s book I have had in my head demanded to be written down, and so I grabbed my journal, closed the door and proceeded to write. For 45 minuted my pen did not stop, my hand was throbbing by the time I got to then end, the story seemed to write itself. Once I arrived at a spot I was unsure of, the words simply wrote themselves down. I was the vehicle for this wonderful story. After I finished I went next door to the soul spa and did a meditation with Lazarus. Oh how I love Lazarus!  I was enveloped in a wonderful luminous silvery love cloud. Afterwards I came back to my office and closed the door and began a conversation with my guides. So beautiful the words that were given to me. I would like to share them with you now.

“Enjoy your shift of consciousness my child. Your grasp of reality has clearly changed in the past year has it not? Award yourself with the medal of honor for honoring your highest good with pure intentions.
We create a funnel of love to encompass you & your all knowing, creating a vortex of love and knowledge that you may fully experience love in this way, more wholly, more fully.

Shifting into expansion brings about outer changes in lifestyles we see. have you enjoyed these changes seen here?”
yes but I also miss having comfortable finances to ease my way in the world. My husband having an income to allow me more time to develop my career

“Many people have money my child, it is not the money that creates ease in your life. It is enjoyment of circumstances that eases joy into your day, Fulfillment of each moments potential that eases your life”

How can I bring that into my way of Being?
“Be with what is, remember there is no good or bad, there is only what is”

Isn’t being frightened about not having money to pay bills bad?

“Being frightened about an event that has yet to occur is not of a desirable vibration,  however it is what you have chosen to feel about a possible future event. When you project yourself into the future with your vibrations, you shift that which you recognize & assume fear based thinking. You project discernment and probable outcome attached to past experience. In the past you may have felt fear & in the face of the possible future you attach the same observed outcome. Thus bringing this emotion and vibration from past to future to present and have solidified this feeling in your experience at this moment.”

What can I do then so that I no longer attach to past fears bringing them into the future and thus into the present?

“Reverse the order of feeling and shift the feeling attached. for example:
I am Now feeling supported, loved, guided. Now I am here, here I am, I am OK, I am OK, here I am, all is well, I am ok, here I am.
In the future I will remember here I am, I am here, all is well, I am loved and supported, I am love & supported.
I now shine this mirror and reflect it to me in the past, you are loved, I love you, you are safe, loved and supported. You are me, you are there, here and always loved.”

So let me walk this through in my day to day life. Lets say I get a bill in the mail. I tally it in my head and realize I may not have enough to pay it, I then begin to feel anxious and unsupported. Right then I remember your words and decide to put into motion your steps. Pulling myself into this moment I say: Here I am, I am loved, and so on..

“Yes holding your attention to your heart will allow for a greater cohesion in all of this practice. The insight you have into this is invaluable.”

When my conversation with my guides had been completed I relaxed more and allowed the feeling of guidance to envelope me again. I remembered that although my career hasn’t blossomed to the point of supporting a family of 5 quite yet, the more I release into my guidance the more I am able to help others. When my work day was over and I was off to get my little ones from school a call came in from my husband. In the mail today came a wonderful blessing in the form of money. I know that the mail would have brought me this money even if I hadn’t worked with my guides. But I also know that in working with them, I opened myself up to see the beauty of the wonderful beings and people in my life in a way that allowed me to appreciate them even without the financial support.

I continue to ask myself, ‘Does my blogging about this help me or help anyone who reads it? Should I really be sharing about our financial concerns, am I really able to help guide while in the trenches of difficulties myself?’ Even in that moment  of asking I can change my thinking and realize that everyone needs a spotlight in the trenches and if you have somehow lost your light or disconnected with your guidance system, listen to my story, see my process and realize that especially when we are on our life’s path, we still have challenges. As Michael Bernard Beckwith says: “Fate is what life brings you. Destiny is what You do with it”.

Day 40 of 40 Days of Spirits Guidance!!:)

and here we are again my child, although we have never left.  The cloudiness that seems to separate us has dissipated, more and more each day.

listen now as we speak to you and guide your heart with our words, there is an energetic resonance that comes with the tones we use and they strike up a cord inside each of you who read our words. This message is meant for the seeker for there are many a great adventures to unfold in your life yet, if you only were to see them from our vantage point. Everything is always working around you to bring you the most fulfillment in each moment. it is only your distrust of yourself and your surroundings that may make it not seem so. In each moment there is a choice … we sense the irritation in your thoughts my dear. Speak to us in this irritation.

I am slightly irritated, I know everything is magnetic or energetic and I understand my thoughts create my reality, however – my husband and i have been exerting a lot of effort in many different ways, he has been looking diligently, interviewing and also working hard part-time in construction -  and still he has not been offered a Job. I know he is qualified but i cant help but think there is a chink in this chain. I am on my path and I am truly loving what I do, I feel in service to spirit and I love it – how can things be such a challenge even though I have found my path?

Just as what you call 40 days of spirits guidance will not simply stop when day 41 arrives, you will always learn the most important lessons you need to bring with you into the next stage of your journey. All is always provided for you and you may reawaken to the peace you felt only a few days prior. The chaos you feel is simply related to some purging of negative financial habits that will no longer serve you in the future. You must put all things in order in this moment and this feels very uncomfortable for most, that is simply why are you feeling discord. Your husband did not have a job on Sunday yet we watched as you were swept in a sea of bliss – can you recall those feelings, that remembrance? It is still there my child, just as you can easily resurface old angers you can also easily resurface memories of joy. That is what you were feeling is it not? Your lesson in all of this my child is to be in a constant state of remembrance of joy – joy that is not jarred by simple things such as arguments or irrational conversations. when you are no longer easily disrupted by something, you know you no longer have an attachment to it and if you wish to release your old financial habits you will look into this moment and find the joy and release this pattern so you may no longer have an attachment to it and will no longer attract it into your existence.

We send you loving love embraces as always my child and rest sweetly as we allow you time to reflect. with Love and gratitude, goodnight.